I'm 28 weeks 5 days into my pregnancy and feeling generally good still. Sure I am a little more emotional, my back aches, my legs/feet are the size of an elephants legs, and sleep is interrupted by numerous bathroom trips, but I am still smiling and happy to be pregnant. I just keep imagining in 12 weeks or so I will be looking into the face of my third most precious gift God has to offer. A son (who still has no name). I can take the aches and lack of sleep for such an awesome thing as human life.
Being a stay at home mom (as many of you know) is very rewarding, but once in a while it becomes a bit repetitive. I find myself feeling like I am on auto pilot. Get up, get breakfast, take Hayley to school, come home, get Emma bathed, pick up the living room and kitchen, have a snack and play with Emma, spend a little time on the computer, have lunch, put Emma down for a nap, clean the house, get Hayley from the bus stop, have snack, pick up some more, start dinner, greet John, eat dinner, clean up yet again, watch a little TV, put the girl's to bed, spend an hour or so with John, go to bed. REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT... Once in a while we throw the library and sports or Girl Scouts into the mix, but basically I feel like I spend all my time chasing little ones, cleaning the house, and cooking. Most days I feel like this is a blessing, some days (today especially) I feel like I'm not doing much with my life.
It's been 1 year and 3.5 months since we moved from Salem to Florence and still I don't feel like this is home. I haven't made any friends and I am lonely to say the least. I thought that moving here would be great and that my life would be just like it was in Salem, but I couldn't have been more wrong about that! I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss civilization, I miss the comfort and convience of knowing that there was always some one near by that I could rely on for help or company. I NEED socialization!
Hayley is very trying right now. Most days she pushes me about as far as humanly possible. Don't get me wrong she has so many wonderful qualities that I am so very proud of, but she seems to be struggling as much as I am when it comes to our relationship. I know it's normal for her to push and test to see what she can get away with, but it really makes me feel like I am failing as a mother and that breaks my heart! I just want her to listen, not talk back, and be respectful. She doesn't seem to have a problem with this with anyone besides me...
Emma is a handful. Fiercely independent yet really needs her mommy. It's nice to be needed and I love it when she wraps her arms around my neck, puts her cheek against mine, and says "I lub zyou" which is Emma for I love you. Today however she has been very fussy and hard to please which has added to everything else that is pulling at my spirits.
Oh then there is my wonderful husband, John. He is such a great guy and really tries hard to give three very difficult girls everything they want and need. However he works 12+ hours a day. So we get very little time with him and usually that is what we all need more then anything. He leaves before the girl's and I wake up and doesn't get home until 6:00 or 7:00 at night. We eat dinner and most night he is dozing off on the couch by 8pm. I know he is tired because he works very hard (even though it doesn't sound like it I admire that very much), but that gives us about an hour of his time. I joke that I am his second wife that he sneaks away to see when he can get away from his first wife (his job). Good thing we love each other!!!!!
So lets recap... I am having a pity party and need to vent because I am home sick, seriously lacking in adult socialization, hormonal, and my kiddos while amazing don't understand that mommy needs them to behave for the day. Also I miss my husband even though he hasn't gone any where. Yesterday Hayley broke my camera, today she has been n her room "cleaning" it all day but it looks the same (possibly worse), she also broke her lava lamp, Emma won't get off my leg for five minutes, but she doesn't want me to pick her up, I decided to sew the baby some burp rags and the thread ran out on the bobbin and no I don't know how to solve that problem, I have only cried twice today so it can't be that bad! Sounds like life right?!
All in all I know that God doesn't give me anything I cannot handle and I am thankful for all he gives me, even the bad. I feel better already just venting... I am laughing right now cause I am so upset over nothing, but life. Oh SIGH. one more time SSSIIIIGGGHHH. There I feel better and resolve to not let "life" get the best of me!
